On Growing Up
Ah, growing up. As a kid you want nothing but to be “a grownup” so that all the rules stopping you doing what you want don’t apply. Then as an adult you wish for the simplicity and free from responsibility that being a kid offered.
I feel like I’ve finally grown up. It’s taken a lot of hard learnings, mistakes and regrets to get here, and I’m sure I’m not done yet. But reflecting on the last 10 years, it blows my mind to consider the learnings and experiences.
A lot changed when I was diagnosed with panic disorder and the meds kicked in. The level of anxiety influencing behaviors that were reduced were broad and impactful. I still made mistakes, taking away those factors didn’t change the maturity growth still needed, but it did make it possible.
Perhaps the biggest element of that was coping with change. I can point to 3 critcial junction points where things changed outside my control in the workplace that tangibly impacted me, and I did not handle it well. In each case I “acted out” and responded with actions that with the clarity of hindsight were immature and a little OTT. I will claim a little evolution where I got better at thinking through and managing the situation, and definitely in the 3rd one made it work for me :)
As I sit here today, March 9 2023, I feel calmer and more in control of myself and how to deal with things than I ever have. I can’t dwell on mistakes made and bad impressions I’ve left behind. But I can own and acknowledge them, and continue to actively improve myself and how I participate in life and work.
Live, Learn, Leverage.
Be awesome. And nice.